OK, so the unexpected ring at the door WAS a surprise but I (being both ‘home’ and ‘alert’) saw it as an opportunity to face the enemy and try to understand her perspective on causing a devestating pandemic.

She did suggest that I sit 2 metres away and keep the hand sanitiser handy.

The G&T and crisps disappeared pretty rapidly (do tigers and Covids have something in common maybe?) but we conversed for a while once I’d got over the initial shock and had a stiff gin inside me.

I suppose, not surprisingly, she said she sees herself “leading” rather than following “the science” – laughing disparagingly at my New Scientist lying on the table and saying she’s thoroughly enjoying leading those guys a merry and unco-ordinated dance (her words not mine).

I asked her motivation and, I guess fair enough, she pointed out that she simply exists to reproduce and have her species thrive even if that’s at others’ expense. “How am I any different from any other biological species? We are all concerned with number 1, no?”

I slowly nudged the conversation round to the dreadful death and destruction she is causing. I’m afraid she laughed huskily (not a pleasant sound at all) before hitting back hard. “What do you mean ‘dreadful death and destruction’ – compared to you humans? At least I know the death and destruction I am causing. You guys are only just waking up to how your desire for endless growth by consuming everything in your path is killing the world and how your economy allows the poor to die”.

“…..And, more to the point, I’m simply programmed to do what I do. But you humans can make choices about what kind of values, lifestyles, politics and culture you want to replicate and what gets killed or destroyed en route. “

“Hey, maybe I’ve even done you humans some good – cleaner air, time to stop and think, finally recognising who your critical workers actually are and I’ve even got your Tory government acting like big state socialists.. Who’d have thought?. Ever read Solzhenitsyn? “the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being”?”.

And with that, she polished off the second bowl of crisps and said she was heading back to England where life now looked a hell of a lot easier than here in Wales.

Making an imaginary Covid-19 was inspired by a combination of Grayson Perry’s Art Club on Channel 4 where the topic on Monday 11th May was fantasy and the children’s book by Judith Kerr “The Tiger who came to Tea”. I was curious about what we might talk about.